How to get rid of Magpies

How to get rid of magpies

I despise magpies. For years I have been awaken in the early morning by the screeching, irritating, fingernail on the chalkboard scream of two, four, eight or more magpies that have literally taken over my yard.

I used to have nice birds in my trees. The robin, blue jay, finch, black capped chick-a-dee, and sparrow. But not any more. All I have now is the hideous, disgusting, obstinate, loud, magpie.

I once had a beautiful dog. One day I looked out the window and witnessed four magpies harassing my dog. Taunting him, screaming at him. My poor dog cowering, trying to get away. I cried. My dog is gone now. But the magpies remain.

My neighbors have cats. Cats and birds don’t really get along. The cat usually wins. I have witnessed many cats being driven and even attacked by the evil birds. Last year I found a cat collar and a pile of fur. Is it possible the magpie had something to do with it?

They build nests out of sticks and mud. They really aren’t nests; they are more like beaver dams in a tree. I have beautiful trees, tall, mature blue spruce and Austrian pine. They provide a beautiful backdrop for my yard. I have had my trees longer than my children. I have pruned them, fed them, protected and encouraged them. They have been in all the family pictures and videos. They attended all the parties. They provide shade. They give me joy.

None of that matters now. There is only one way to eradicate the black and white plague.

They came armed with ropes, climbing gear, chippers and chain saws. They were relentless. First came the branches, bottom to top, thrown into the chipper. Beautiful branches turned into mulch instantly. Next came the trunks, foot by foot, cut and stacked. Five days later my yard, considered at least by me as beautiful, looked like a wasteland following a nuclear explosion.

I didn’t know my neighbors had pink pajamas.

But hey! I have no more magpies!

I look at the pile of wood. I see a rat. I despise rats.